Weekend Positivity

Happy easter and/or random weekend! I am not much for celebrating easter (or capitalizing it) but I enjoy the chocolate my mom sends me. I am currently rationing out a dove bunny...mm.

I am proud of:

• grading something that really needed grading.
  
• exercising twice again this week, although I had to do it alone.
  
• continuing the diet. I think this is the longest I have ever managed to count calories without entirely saying "screw it."
  
• updating my resume attached to a job application (which involved asking the HR person to switch it for me, and she did).
  
• getting a bunch of 5/5 ratings for my tutoring.
  

I enjoyed:

• playing with the cat.
  
• sleeping.
  
• getting chocolate in the mail.
  
• getting excited about my students' projects (in which they applied math to something that interested them).
  
• talking/hanging out with friends, online and otherwise.
  

I love:

• sleep.
  
• cuddling.
  
• cats.
  
• my boyfriend.
  
• word games.
  

Take care, anyone who happens to be reading. :)

Weekend Positivity

It's gloomy and cold out, but I can still be positive!

I am proud of:

• having a full conversation about something that was bothering me a lot.
  
• exercising twice this week (two times per week is my goal for now).
  
• using a food diary and making a good attempt at reduced caloric intake most days this week (I've decided I'm not trying for 7 days a week, as 5-6 days will probably be easier while still being effective).
  
• sweeping up the massive piles of litter in the cat's bathroom.
  
• tutoring when I really didn't want to.
  

I enjoyed:

• exercising with my (supportive!) boyfriend.
  
• laughing at bad TV.
  
• seeing Amanda Palmer and Ben Folds on http://live4sendai.tv/.
  
• teaching i! (I hardly ever get to teach i.)
  
• dinner out tonight.
  

I love:

• math.
  
• physics.
  
• my kitty.
  
• my boyfriend.
  
• online shopping.
  

Take care, anyone who happens to be reading. :)

Weekend Positivity

Resuming my positivity this lovely Sunday, this time I am allowing myself to draw from the last two weeks instead of one, since I missed last time.

I am proud of:

• putting time into creating a suitable exam review sheet, rather than just picking problems.
  
• spending a lot of time writing a great exam that went over well (perhaps partly because of the thorough review sheet).
  
• exercising once. I hope to pick the habit back up again long-term, as well.
  
• keeping away from my favorite unhealthy coping mechanism, although I really wanted it.
  
• making an appointment and getting my hair cut. I hate the phone and I'm always awkward with stylists, but I really needed it.
  

I enjoyed:

• making fun of crappy TV shows with my boyfriend.
  
• family gatherings.
  
• time with a 3 year old who is apparently my biggest fan.
  
• baking and sharing the baked goods with people.
  
• finding the averages for a couple of my exams were in the 80s.
  

I love:

• my boyfriend.
  
• brownies.
  
• diet dr. pepper cherry.
  
• my kitty.
  
• playing with language, and knowing people who love doing the same.
  

Take care, anyone who happens to be reading. :)

Oops...and some musing.

I missed a weekend. In my defense, it was a very busy one. I spent Friday getting upset over something very, very silly, and then I was out of the house most of Saturday. Sunday was devoted to putting several hours of effort into writing an exam, and I'm very glad I did because it turned out really well. All of that means I didn't get to the positives thing this time.

Often when I miss something once, I will take that as an excuse to stop doing it altogether. "I've already blown the streak, may as well not bother now" or somesuch. However, I am going to post this weekend (perhaps tomorrow). I mean that!

I've also been meaning to post about why I am posting positives. Since it is not yet time for another weekend post, I think I'll do that now.

So. Why list positive things I did/positive things that happened/things I love? I am honestly not sure.

I do not like to call myself a depressed person, but I have been diagnosed as such, and I certainly have a predisposition to cope poorly. I also struggle with self-esteem. I have a lot of negative thoughts that float around in my head, even though I do not rationally believe them; things like "I hate myself," "I hate my life," etc. come to mind regularly just as habit, I think.

I started this blog because a friend does something similar, and it sounded like a good thing to do. I did not have a specific plan or idea of what I would be improving with it. In theory, a list of accomplishments is a good place to start with challenging thoughts like "I hate myself," and lists of things I enjoy doing and things I love are good for challenging the more general ingrained "I hate my life" thoughts.

It's difficult for me to challenge all of my self-esteem issues with a list of accomplishments, though. It sounds sort of shallow, but I've never been able to accept the way I look. Worrying about it is probably the #1 reason I find myself crying. I honestly don't know what I can do to work on this aspect, but I know I can accept that I am a decent person who does good things and still be upset that I am not attractive.

Maybe the ultimately healthy version of myself would remove attractiveness from my sense of self-worth entirely, and maybe I am working toward that by focusing on positive accomplishments. I guess I'll see.